YEAH.

i felt like updating but cannot draw well because i have the plague and am currently coughing up all sorts of beautiful things. you needed to know that.

so here's two shitty sketches i made...um, like a month ago. ( this really isn't worth viewing )

the end.

time to go eat some nyquil and pass the fuck out.

( more from the TRUE STORY department )

okay, i confess - my lines were actually spoken by another girl in the class. BUT I WAS THINKING EXACTLY WHAT SHE SAID.

it is a real poster, by the way. (if the link dies, just google it - i found approximately 54163514324 results.)

ich bin nicht tot...jetzt.


( i was motivated...to stay in bed. )

POST-PRODUCTION NOTES:
1. this story is 100% true, except for the part about robert stack...which is sad, because i his nararation totally made the show.

2. my other pen ran out of ink, so this was drawn with the new (according to the packaging) sharpie pen. it's not that bad, actually...and it really does NOT leak through the paper!

3. halfway through this one, i tried stopped coloring with my left hand and started doing it righty. try to guess exactly which panel in which i made the switch - it should be blindingly obvious because THE LINES ARE ACTUALLY SOMEWHAT STRAIGHT. finally, something i can do better righty than lefty!

4. my scanner is still [obscene reference here].

my pen has gone and nearly run out of ink, my scanner is still an uncooperative little bitch, and now my car has joined the league of inanimate objects out to ruin the life of yours truly.


( everything in this post supplements the punchline. )

also, maybe i just hold my phone weird, but MAN, IT IS DIFFICULT TO DRAW SOMEONE HOLDING A PHONE WHILE S/HE SPEAKS ON IT. awkwardness all over the place, i apologize.

( and other important revelations )

this is probably the closest i'll ever come to doing a political comic.

i somewhat fixed the problem of crooked panels! and just think - it only took me like, four months to remember that PHOTOSTOP HAS A ROTATE FUNCTION.

fuck my life.

sidenote: the guy in panels four and six is not supposed to be smith...unless if you think it would be funnier if that guy WAS smith, in which case, yes, that is totally supposed to be smith.

i don't know what is wrong with my scanner, aside from the fact that i haven't thrown it off a bridge yet.


( seriously, everyone hates the samples. )

originally, there was a nineth panel that said "FUCK MY LIFE," but i figured that would be too obvious.

this evening, i started to think: if i'm always complaining about these drawings being so crooked, why don't i just use a ruler to measure out panels of equal sizes? it's not that hard to do.

then i remembered - MATTING AND MOUNTING.

in photo, it would take me hours to mount (my prints, you sick bastards, I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING) because math and i are not friends. i know how to read a ruler, but doing the actual math in order to figure out where i need to cut? insanity! i solved this problem by scribbling huge X's and "DO NOT CUT HERE" notes all over the back of my boards and went along my merry way.

in my sketchbook, this does not work. the areas in which i would normally attempt addition or merely give up and write "CUT OUT THIS PART" are the spaces in which i draw my characters. after OVER AN HOUR of measuring and doing math, i finally ended up with panels that were less crooked.

(oh yes, they were still crooked. i do not know how or why, but they are still not perfect little 3.5" x 3.5" squares.)

(3.5" x 3.5" squares is a little redundant, isn't it?)

so, after all this hard work and brainpower...i went and drew the entire comic backwards. like, beyond photoshop repair. like, really, really backwards.

i don't know what this post is really supposed to accomplish aside from publicly humiliating myself once more...but yes, more drawings are on their way. just probably not until this weekend.

and they will be crooked and you will LOVE their asymmetry, goddamnit.

( it was sticky. )

all that aside, i really have to give it to this guy - this is probably one of the most normal and least offensive/creepy pick-up attempts i've experienced at this job. it didn't work, but at least i wasn't left wondering if i should call security or not.

a few weeks ago, the mall sent out a multi-page memo to every store about not wasting paper. this week, they sent out the exact same memo, but this time on green paper to really get the point across. in the spirit of saving paper, i got bored at work and turned this otherwise soon-to-be-trash into a crappy comic. here, you can watch my drawing show the progression of "extremely tired" to "still tired but more attentive." this is probably also the most quickly i've drawn one of these - six panels in under an hour. not too shabby at all.


( be careful what you wish for! )

...and yes, that story is 100% true. (well...we don't actually know what became of the bird, but we assume.) the conversation about pie, the discussion about the salvation army bell ringers, all of it. at least i didn't include the part of the conversation about the under-the-covers porn viewing in a dorm. my former manager's stories rival mine. i'm not sure if i'm impressed or afraid.

( yeah, this isn't predictable or anything. )

next time, i will write larger. i also need to buy a pen that does not stop working whenever it feels i've drawn enough.

the perspective was extremely off in this one, i know :( although, i may have solved part of the "why the hell are these so crooked" mystery - i keep scanning them crooked!! i am the best artist ever.

ADDED FUN: you can watch as i became progressively more tired while drawing this because HOLY SHIT, THE EYES IN THE LAST TWO PANELS. HOLY. SHIT.